FilthyDuckStudios

bad dream

2010-08-02T06:16:00.000-07:00

I have a sleeping disorder. I can't tell the difference between dreams and reality. It doesn't seem so bad.

You know it's funny. I remember the first time I kissed a girl. The fear; the exhilaration; the soft, dry, wetness only a first-time kiss can ever feel. Un-beatable first time that makes you feel perfect moment. Love is a real possibility, like you hear about in Shakespeare. I remember this.

Slowly, I'm starting to forget the good things. When you can't tell the difference between dreams and reality you create new memories. I remember every home evasion, every time a girl is brutalized and I can't help because I have a bullet burning in my stomach. They're not just dreams, they are memories. All we are are our memories, and they are becoming me.

My most amazing photos:

2010-07-20T23:10:00.000-07:00

My Most Amazing Photos:

So here is an update on her. So she tells me not to post the bra pictures, because well, she's in her bra. I understand that. Modesty and whatnot. But then she starts hounding me for new pictures. If i can't post them and you didn't pay, i have no reason to do more work on the shoot.

Two days later, She posts like 30 photos from Ryan "Hey, can i come watch you shoot so i can steal your style?" Muirhead. All of which are of her in her bra. Fuck her.

Oops, my bad.

2010-06-29T18:18:00.000-07:00

I got a new touch screen phone about a month ago. It's hard to navigate Facebook on it. To scroll I have to put my fat finger on the screen and push/pull. Sometimes I accidentally click on links.. This is important because I need you on my side for this story.

Today, I got a nasty message about how unprofessional I am for making a girl feel bad. It was "a Slap in the face for [me] to be so petty."

After I went back, I figured out what I had done.

3 months ago:
A girl asks me to shoot her wedding. A few days prior to the engagements she stops answering her phone. Then the day of the wedding, she asks if i would come and take some photos (You know, unpaid, but it would be great to use in my portfolio.. My favorite line ever.) I laughed and never responded. Well a few days ago, she posted a thing saying how she hated the photos from her wedding and wished she used a "real" photographer. While scrolling, I clicked on "I like this status" without knowing. Oops..

I know I should explain that it was an accident, but it's poetic and frankly, really funny. I found out from her friend that she ended up getting charged for everything. Millage, Storage, editing, printing (at 10,000% mark up), and for the second photographer. Which non of that was discussed in the package she choose. She only was quoted for taking the pictures. The bride didn't end up using me because these people were giving her a better deal. They ended up charging her an extra $500 more than my asking price. While her Wedding photos are being held hostage.

Steven.

A day in the life of a beautiful man.

2010-06-16T21:00:00.001-07:00

Thursday, June 10th

It's rough being good looking and single. here are 3 stories all within an hour.

11:30PM.

I ran into a good friend of mine. I haven't seen him in years. We talked for a few minutes and I joined my friends on the patio. A really pretty girl followed me out and sat next to me. I never caught her name. She seemed charming at first, but soon I saw right through her. It became apparent that the only reason she was talking to me was to make some guy jealous. After telling me her ex was "over there" and flared her arm in a general drunken direction. I told her best of luck to you and I'm sure it was nice meeting.

My good friend, as mentioned earlier, walks up to me and says, "What the hell, Dude?!?" Confused, I inquired what he meant.

"That's my ex!" he exclaimed.
"Yeah?!? So you're the guy she was trying to make jealous?!?"
He laughed, and forewarned me she's passionate. To which I said, "yeah, I thought I smelled crazy on her."

12:00AM.

A pretty girl walks up to me. She started in with a direct, "Tell me about yourself" approach. Though I dislike that, any pretty girl ballsy enough to make an effort to talk to a guy has my attention. We had a few laughs and she wanted to introduce me to her friends. I declined. I wasn't out to meet a girl, I was drinking with my best friend. She walked back up to me and introduced me to 4 flamboyant boys. I reserve the term "man/men" for John Wayne "Whiskey and Steak" types, much like myself :) Turns out the reason she talked to me was to see if i was a good match for Dave. Dear girl, do you not remember sitting in my lap to talk to me? In all fairness, we couldn't find a chair for you except the other 8 next to us. So sitting in my lap was a last resort.. I'll give you that. but you knew I'm straight.

12:28AM.

Bartender gives us our drinks. We both had Crown and Coke. she points, "that one is yours!" I asked if she perhaps spit in mine? "Oh no no no. The shot measure was broken so i free poured yours!" and devilishly grins. i sip it--yep! Straight whiskey. Good girl. She walks out behind the bar to give me a hug and kisses my cheek (the quickest way to my good graces.) She whispers in my ear that I should shoot her. I asked (well, told her), "You know who I am."--yep, She knew.

The bouncer, a guy I've shot before, tells me, that bartender is married.

Strike Three.

Women.. I'm telling you, man. About that night, it's the best time I've had in years. I wouldn't have changed a thing. I did talk to a girl in the midst of all that chaos, and felt like I made a real connection with her. Lauren, what a beautiful woman. Turns out, she grew up one city north of my home town, California. Small world. "Oh yeah, right next to Gladstone high school. I remember that." and whatnot. But the coolest thing about her, she had no fear. Laid out her cards and didn't hesitate. She was really pretty, but making me laugh the way she did made her beautiful.

Thanks,
Steven Hansen.

Trees, not just for the birds.

2010-05-11T21:46:00.001-07:00

A good friend of mine, Silvia, encourages (physically forces) me to do graphic design. I promised her a project, and this was perfect. Shown from start to finish. Enjoy.

With no real intention, I wanted to take pictures while waiting for paint to dry. This 2x4 was the nearest object to me. I've had this reflective white product board for months and finally got around to using it. Expect a lot more of this in the near future.

Stage two: Skeletal outline.

Completion.

Something I think you might find interesting, if you flip the bird upside down, it's a rubber duck. Cool, huh? In the planning, I thought it was going to mutilate the shape of the bird, but it turned out great. My next project I want to be able to flip upside down and it be something completely different.

I hope you enjoyed.
-Steven Hansen

(This is John Wayne approved message)

2010-04-03T12:46:00.000-07:00

ha ha.. I think we're funny.

You are incredible. Thanks for always making time for me and making me feel like a creative genius that I am. Here are a few more recent photos. It's like i said, "I'm over the moon for you, sweetheart." This is the part i think The Duke would approve of.

I'll post the others when i finish. Call me when you see them.

With love-drunk love,
Steven Adonis Hansini

This has the ditty, "Growing old together." I wrote when we were poem-battling to the death Friday.

March 29th

2010-03-28T23:32:00.001-07:00

It's ironic, your name. To feel so much about nothing. To move to this city. To move. on The day i realized. It's tragic, your name. I'm not him. I am Menelaus. To live and to hold. To be. without The life. When you realize who you are, you are of two.

To move. on The forgiving of. Foolish.

To realize. You live to nothing. and Nothing is what you live to.

Dead is me. And I will oblige. maybe Tomorrow is a new day. But Clark Gable remembers best. Frankly dear, i don't give a damn.

It's ironic, my name. It means "King's Crown." I am the king. but I don't have the city. It's tragic, my name. It means I'll never have you. Whomever you are